…heartbeat
of the positive revolution
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Great Relationships I was delighted when long time friend and business associate, Gail Davidson, announced her intention to find her soul mate this year. Some lucky guy is going to reap the rewards of life with this attractive, playful and loving woman. In considering how to nurture a healthy, long-term relationship, Gail is interviewing couples that have great marriages. Glenn and I feel honored to be among those. “If you were sending your daughter off into a new relationship, what guidance would you give her?” she asked. “Put love above all else,” I replied without hesitation. “Like what?” she inquired. “Like the need to be right,” I offered. “Loving and being loved feels oh-so-much better than being ‘right.’ “Also, I focus on Glenn’s characteristics for which I am grateful,” I added. “And I speak that gratitude – to him, to our friends, to everyone whenever and wherever possible.” Just thinking about it made me smile. When I reinforce those things that I adore or admire about Glenn, the characteristics that I find less desirable seem less significant (assuming I don’t focus on them, too!) “Anything else?” she asked. “Oh yes! How could I forget? We practice the Agreements! We’ve been using them for more than 20 years as a guide through the sometimes challenging pathways of marriage. Among the most significant are respecting our differences, honoring our choices, seeing the best in each other… well, really everything to do with Acceptance and Gratitude.” With that, she closed her notebook and closed her eyes, imagining bringing the type of lifelong relationships she had built with her neighbors into the intimacy of her home. You see, for more than ten years, her cohousing community has used the Agreements to guide them in all aspects of building their homes and living side-by-side under a common mission. Now she knows that she can experience the same loving, caring, respectful relationships within her own home that she co-created in her special community.* My conversation with Gail reminded me that when people ask, “What is Revolutionary Agreements about?” I sometimes answer, “It’s about how to have great relationships – starting with your relationship to yourself.” How do you apply the Agreements to your great relationships? With gratitude,
*Learn more about how Gail and the community in which she lives use the Agreements in this issue’s Success Stories.
Your stories are the heartbeat of the positive revolution. Keep them coming! Agreements at the Heart of Heartwood. Gail Davidson operates a multi-million dollar home-based wellness business and is co-founder of Heartwood Cohousing, an intentional community in southwest Colorado. www.heartwoodcohousing.com The Heartwood Cohousing community in Bayfield, Colorado started as a dream for a handful of visionaries from Boulder, Colorado. We created a cohousing style “village” placing our 24 homes within a seven-acre area so we could steward the remaining 250 acres. We care for 70 acres of irrigated pasture, pinion, pine and ponderosa forests with sacred spaces, trails, and gardens. We are from all walks of life, all age groups, single and married, with and without children, and work both inside and outside the community. Because our community is closely integrated on many levels, it is important that we operate from written agreements to which we all aspire. Our first model was based on the original agreements set forth by the Geneva Group many years ago, co-authored by Marian. As those Agreements have evolved into the Revolutionary Agreements, so have ours evolved to suit our unique needs. New residents undergo training in governance by consensus and how to operate with our agreements. Each meeting starts by reading the Agreements aloud, along with our Vision and Values statements, that remind us of why we have chosen to live together in this amazing community. While all of the Agreements serve us in different ways at different times, there are two that consistently help me to keep my communications healthy within our close-knit community: I agree to look within when I react and I agree to resolve conflicts directly. Since working with the Agreements, I notice I have fewer reactions to differing opinions, and am able to more quickly stop myself before laying blame on another. The Agreements remind me to look within for the source of my issue. Once I discover that source, my reaction usually dissipates. Then I can relax and respect the differences of the other or, if need be, express my truth about the matter at hand – with compassion. Practicing these Agreements virtually eliminates negative gossip. And the benefits of more compassionate communication and deeper relationships are deeply gratifying. The Agreements are the foundation and the reason our community is thriving. If all communities were to adopt or adapt these Agreements – families, neighborhoods, businesses, nations (why not?) - the world would be an even more wonderful place to live. After a nine year drought, Mother Nature has sent us moisture in overabundance. At times it took all I had to see the blessings in disguise. Neighbors helping each other in time of need, and children laughing and playing on snow mountains helped me to lighten up.
Winter Cold – Warm Hearts It’s January in Colorado Every week new snow rolled in, I had extra food safely stored Differences were set aside My mate and I had had a spat We held each other to get warm The snow now seemed a different thing, Our relationship has blossomed. |
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